my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think my fart just growled at me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
