Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
