soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
