True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
