I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
