It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
