Umm I'm too high to move.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
