The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize