So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
