shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Drunk is not a location!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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