I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
