Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
