the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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