Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize