I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
