Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
