The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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