Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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