he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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