ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
