Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
