Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
