just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
