You don't have asthma, your pregnant
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
