Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
