You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
