Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize