I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
