I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
