dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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