I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Cover your peen. We're going out.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize