The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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