mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
