You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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