first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
