wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize