She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
