I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
