She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
