i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
