The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
