I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
