Plan B is the new Plan A
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize