so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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