connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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