is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize