So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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