we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
