Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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