Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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