so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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