I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize