We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
