Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Every concussion has its silver lining
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
