the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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