this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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