I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
