I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Lo siento on account of my penis...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
