Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
