Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
