dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize