I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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