You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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