Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
