You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
