I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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