Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
