I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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