Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
