Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
