This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
