ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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