Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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