why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize