Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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