Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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