this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Randomize
