Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
