can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
