I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
