I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So many bounce houses so little time
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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