oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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