Plan B is the new Plan A
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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