I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
