why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
