Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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