Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i came on her dog
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
