grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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