I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just googled if crying burns calories
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
