There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
