went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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