More tranny stories later!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
even my farts smell like vagina
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
