i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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