you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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