Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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