we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
