I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We are all done wearing pants today
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
