tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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