Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
