Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
