I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
