I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize