You just made me feel so damn special
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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