Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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